Wednesday August 19th at 8pm, tickets are just 2e from the door - It’s part of Helsinki’s annual Art Goes Kapakka festival. If any of you want to try out stand-up comedy, please sign-up by e-mailing: openmic@botta.fi

Hope to see you all there!

On a side note - Last month I traveled to Riga to see my all-time favorite band, Depeche Mode. Well the lead singer had emergency surgery and the show was canceled. Bummer. So yesterday whilst walking around Copenhagen, I keep seeing people with Depeche Mode t-shirts - I finally found out that Depeche Mode was performing that night, and I didn’t even know about it. Double bummer.

Finnish health authorities are launching an investigation into a business that delivers Estonian alcoholic beverages in Finland door-to-door. For the past few weeks an Alko taxi, a van painted in a garish yellow, has been delivering Estonian alcoholic beverages to thirsty dwellers in the capital city region.

Customers place and pay for their orders online. To date some 50 orders—mostly in Helsinki—have been placed with this unconventional drink-dispensing service. Vasili Visnapuu, who’s in charge of the cab’s deliveries, says the business is legit as the alcoholic beverages are delivered for free and because the transaction occurs on the internet.

Oops, nevermind, no one better compete against our state monopolies!! Plus, it’s run by evil foreigners, even worse…Estonians!! SHUT’EM DOWN!! (looks like their website has been shutdown already)

Finnish health officials are, however, far from thrilled by the new service.

Kari Paaso of the Ministry of Social Affairs and Health says the Alko taxi is driving down a grey road.

“The law is quite unclear on this issue, which is why the parliamentary ombudsman has requested an inquiry on the matter,” says Paaso.

Photo snagged from Darren’s Flickr account

According to a news report aired by the commercial television network Nelonen on Sunday, courts in Finland have been handing out relatively lenient sentences in cases of sexual assault - even in some which have led to physical injury.

Nelonen examined all sex crime cases handled by Finnish district courts over the past year and found out that prosecutors and courts have considered acts involving injury to the victim, or in which the woman’s home has been violently broken into, and even in which the victim has been kept a prisoner for several days, to meet the definition of “coercive sexual contact”, a category of sexual assault considered less serious than actual rape.

[...]The Nelonen report found that more than half of those convicted of actual rape have to serve real prison time. Less than one in ten of those convicted of the lesser crime have had to serve custodial sentences.

Finnish police say that a lawyer from Turku has admitted that he kidnapped the heiress of one of the country’s wealthiest families. Helsinki District Court has ordered Juha Turunen to be detained pending trial.

Police say he kept the 26-year-old woman prisoner for more than two weeks in a sound-proofed room in a flat in Turku. He demanded — and received — millions of euros in ransom from her family, part of the Kone manufacturing dynasty. The case is unprecedented in Finland.

The suspect faces up to 10 years in prison. When the trial begins, probably next autumn, Turunen will be represented by one of Finland’s best-known attorneys, Aarno Arvela.

It’s Finland’s first ever English Open Mic, I’ll be hosting. They’ll be Finnish comics trying out their material in English, and even some new people trying it out for the first time. It’s going to be a great show, open mics are always fun.

I’ve known Hank for years now, I’ve always thought he’d be a great performer, been encouraging to get on stage for a while, so I’m really looking forward to this. Would be great to see you all there to support our boy, Hank!!!

Who wouldn’t like a concept like that? And why don’t we have ANY in Finland? (please correct me if I’m wrong)

Well first off, nothing is cheap in Finland, that $8 cheeseburger would quickly become $20 in Finland. This is seems to be the fault of many new concepts introduced in Finland, they’re way overpriced and the concept is quickly deemed a failure.

I’m always in awe while at Don Corleone’s in Kamppi. There’s ALWAYS a line, yet the dozen other restaurants around it are empty. Why? Cause they figured out the secret: Great food at a cheap price. OMG!! It took Italian immigrants to figure that out in Finland.

Second, a 24-hour dinner would be full of drunk, obnoxious locals. No one could dine in peace. There’d be yelling, fights, puking…they’d need a team of security guards to control the restaurant. The only people desperate enough to put up with that shit are foreigners who sell just pizza and kebab.

Finland does already have the portable grills that sell cheap sausages and french fries, so maybe there’s no need. But who wouldn’t rather dine indoors instead of out in -20C snow? And who wouldn’t rather have a beer with their food?

So should I quit my job, open a diner, and rake in the millions? Or would the concept be DOA?

Between the various DJ’s hitting the decks spinning everything from hip-hop to house, they’ll be having The Itty Bitty Tease Cabaret performing some burlesque dancing! (bring your cameras, fellas)

And of course, the like 20(?)-member Supervillain Inc. themselves will be hitting the stage with their crazy, eclectic sound of funky beats and phat rhymes. They’re like nothing you’ve ever experienced, and something you shouldn’t miss.

And what’s a good night without stand-up comedy, right?? Yours truly will be hosting the event and starting off the evening with some jokes. I’ve got some new material that’s a bit on the blue-side, so I think that would fit perfect for the night’s program.

Tickets are just 6e, show starts at 21.30. Find out more details from their Facebook event page. Hope to see you all there!!

I won’t be performing at this event, but don’t forget, I’ll be hosting Finland’s first ever English Open Mic, at Manala on June 10th!! (only 2€)

Jason Rouse
Every so often a comedian comes along who challenges the sensibilities of the public at large. In 2004, that comedian’s name is Jason Rouse. This agile young Hamiltonian is fast becoming the most celebrated ‘odd-ball’ in Canadian comedy today. His stand-up comedy act is a clever combination of devilishly crafted jokes and ‘freak-show-like’ theatrics. In his eight short years as a comedian, Jason has won several awards for his edgy style of humour including a Gemini Award for best individual performance in a comedy program/series.

Manolis Zontanos
Manolis Zontanos lives and loves in Hamilton Ontario, Canada. For the past four years he has been totally digging the thrilling buzz of energy, from the adrenalin rush, he could only find doing stand up comedy. His new found passion started at an open mic night at Yuk Yuk’s Hamilton in 2000.
Always working on new material he has now performed his act in New York City, Toronto, Ottawa, Montreal, Kitchener, and even the high brow comedy scene in the illustrious town of Haggersville.

When I migrated in 2002, I didn’t have much more than a bunch of clothes, some CD’s, and a little cash. I had modest expectations, and I guess there were low expectations of me. I had little to lose, and worst case scenario, I just pack my crap up and move back home.

But almost seven years later - I have a loans, a car, a mortgage, responsibilities, a lot of friends, high expectations and there’s high expectations of me…a lot to lose. Without even exaggerating, you gotta figure that I’m not qualified for 99.99% of jobs with my less-than-perfect Finnish skills. Combine that with the absolute shit job market we have at the moment, my chances of finding worthwhile employment is slim, even with the network and skills I’ve gained since first arriving here.

It could mean me packing up everything and saying goodbye. Returning back to the states is fine, but I’d want to return on my own terms. I think I speak for all foreigners in the post above.

When the law gets passed and we step into the shopping era is still to be seen… baby steps, still requires a pole vault to be able to buy your Tylenol at 3am at the Siwa.

In the interview, Anton’s mother describes how she met the boy’s father 15 years ago in Tallinn. After a few years she moved to Finland, but when Anton was born, over five years ago, his parents had already separated. The mother said that the Finnish father promised to take care of the boy after the divorce.

A few years later, relations between the two parents deteriorated, and the mother decided to leave Finland to live with a friend near Moscow, along with her son. While in Russia, she got her son Russian citizenship.

Izvestija wrote that in April this year Anton’s father decided to do as the mother hand done, and abduct the son and take him back to Finland.

The mother said that she was walking on the street with her son when the father, wearing dark glasses, abducted Anton. Father and son spent time at the Finnish consulate in St. Petersburg, until they fled to Finland, in a car driven by a Finnish diplomat.

Shift work can have significant adverse effects on health, according to a broad study by Eurofound, an EU body dealing with the improvement of living and working conditions in the union. Researchers found that Finland has the highest degree of shift work as well as the highest work absenteeism rates in the EU.

…I guess we shouldn’t complain about your low salaries if we can’t show up for work. And this is surprising, Finns have the highest rate of shift work in the EU…

Eurofoud’s research of workers’ health in 21 EU states found that people who work in shifts, including night-shift work, have 60 percent higher absenteeism rates due to illness than people who work during the day. People working weekends had 30 percent higher absenteeism rates than people working typical 9-5 hours.

Finland leads the league in shift work. Of the companies surveyed, Finnish companies reported engaging workers in shift work more often than other European firms. Finland has the third highest rate of Sunday work after the United Kingdom and Sweden.