You know you’ve been in Finland too long, when…
An old one but a good one. #58 is my personal favorite, here’s a few others… (BTW, I believe the originator of this piece was done by the infamous William L. Moore of Helsingin Sanomat) – Please add your own in the comments section!
3. Your front door step is beginning to resemble a shoe shop.
5. When a stranger on the street smiles at you, you assume that:
a. he is drunk
b. he is insane
c. he is American
d. he is all of the above
7. A friend asks about your holiday plans and you answer “Oh, I’m going to Europe!” meaning any other Western European country outside Scandinavia.
11. Your coffee consumption exceeds 6 cups a day and coffee is too weak if there is less than 10 scoops per pot.
15. Your idea of unforgivable behaviour now includes walking across the street when the light is red and there is no WALK symbol, even though there are no cars in sight.
23. Hugging is reserved for sexual foreplay.
26. You hear loud-talking passengers on the train. You immediately assume:
a. they are drunk
b. they are Swedish-speaking
c. they are American.
33. You understand why the Finnish language has no future tense.
44. You know that more than three channels means cable.
52. You pass the point of spending more than 50% of your salary on phone calls and alcohol.
59. YOU CAN’T UNDERSTAND WHY PEOPLE LIVE ANYWHERE BUT IN FINLAND!!!!
Here’s my addition…
60. Someone asks how you’re doing and you say, “Pretty okay”
I guess that the average “true finn” would think 26b to be right since they are so ignorant as to understand Swedish.. they probably think it is German or Dutch
Comment by Anonymous — Tue, Jan 10th, 2006 @ 8:14 pm
Just to write something off-topic, there is actually no future tense in English, either.
Comment by Olli — Wed, Jan 11th, 2006 @ 12:05 am
61. you would even consider voting Tarya Halonen
Comment by pete — Wed, Jan 11th, 2006 @ 8:31 am
Everyone should vote for Tarja Halonen!!! MENNE TARJA!! =)
Comment by Kassu — Wed, Jan 11th, 2006 @ 9:02 am
Olli,
It depends what you mean by future tense but it’s only rare instances where you can refer to the future in the simple present tense, as opposed to Finnish.
Comment by jdsm — Wed, Jan 11th, 2006 @ 9:05 am
Some added commetry on this version…
http://www.helsinginsanomat.fi/english/extras/toolong
Comment by Eb — Wed, Jan 11th, 2006 @ 9:42 am
“It depends what you mean by future tense but it’s only rare instances where you can refer to the future in the simple present tense, as opposed to Finnish.”
Yes, but nonetheless, in English you do form a verb group that refers to the future by (mostly) a lexical verb in the present tense and a modal auxiliary. There is no future simple tense in English.
Comment by Olli — Wed, Jan 11th, 2006 @ 2:41 pm
But there is “tulla” in Finnish. It’s used very seldom to refer to the future compared to the Swedish “kommer att” but I think there are exceptional situations where it is perfectly natural to say or at least write “tulee olemaan” or “tulen tekemään”.
Comment by Helsinkian — Wed, Jan 11th, 2006 @ 2:57 pm
“But there is “tulla†in Finnish. It’s used very seldom to refer to the future compared to the Swedish “kommer att†but I think there are exceptional situations where it is perfectly natural to say or at least write “tulee olemaan†or “tulen tekemäänâ€Â.”
Exactly, there are ways of refering to the future, of course, but there is no future tense. It works in Finnish the way as in English (F: verb in the present tense + tulla = reference to the future, E: verb in the present tense + will/shall = reference to the future).
Comment by Olli — Wed, Jan 11th, 2006 @ 3:12 pm
In colloquial English the use of the present tense to mean the future is pretty common.
“When are you going to Sweden?”
“I’m going to Sweden next summer.”
Comment by XL — Wed, Jan 11th, 2006 @ 7:13 pm
61. You don’t ask people wazza?, when you know you have less than twenty minutes to spend listening to a whiny explanation concerning mostly of their poor health.
Comment by TH — Wed, Jan 11th, 2006 @ 10:37 pm
If some Finn answers that he/she cannot speak English properly, it means that he/she does not like you.
Comment by juggu — Thu, Jan 12th, 2006 @ 4:04 am
62. You spend your day at Finland for Thought by twisting and bending it out from a railroad track for those foreigners, why it is great to have your tax information published every year, get a maternity pack from the government, pick berries on somebody else’s property, have a public health care, Kekkonen, conscription, Alko monopoly and two-lane roads with no salt in the winter…
Comment by antti (the redneck one) — Thu, Jan 12th, 2006 @ 10:34 am
…and tell them to get over the mämmi…
Comment by antti (the redneck one) — Thu, Jan 12th, 2006 @ 10:37 am
62. You spend your day at Finland for Thought by twisting and bending it out from a railroad track for those foreigners, why it is great to have your tax information published every year, get a maternity pack from the government, pick berries on somebody else’s property, have a public health care, Kekkonen, conscription, Alko monopoly and two-lane roads with no salt in the winter…
Comment by Phil — Thu, Jan 12th, 2006 @ 12:16 pm
61. You have gone beyond finding the issue offensive and in fact won’t even bother reacting if anyone asks the classic 3 questions (Where are you from? What are you doing here? When are you going back?).
Comment by Martin-Éric — Fri, Jan 13th, 2006 @ 6:34 am
Salt sucks.
Comment by Donkey — Fri, Jan 13th, 2006 @ 11:37 am
Well, future can also be indicated by object marking.
Funny thing about the hugging though, since getting here I’ve become more standoffish for some reason in terms of hugs, whereas I used to be all over people in typical yank fashion in terms of hugs.
Hm!
Comment by Ryan — Fri, Jan 13th, 2006 @ 3:03 pm
18. You refuse to wear a hat, even in -30°C weather.
Nope, these are the Dutch, the Brits, and the French. I feel like a freak here with my hat and gloves, when even the food delivery guys do not wear gloves while driving around on their scooters. Brrr….
33. You accept that 80°C in a sauna is chilly, but 20°C outside is freaking hot.
True. Saunas here are a joke, plain and simple, and not worth visiting.
Comment by Anzi — Fri, Jan 13th, 2006 @ 3:51 pm
“18. You refuse to wear a hat, even in -30°C weather.
Nope, these are the Dutch, the Brits, and the French…”
Anzi, apparently you didn’t go to school in the seventies. Teachers and mothers had full-time job to have everybody wear pipo no matter how freezing it was. There were even letters to editor in the newspapers about youngster not wearing hat or pipo in the winter.
It is other way around these days. You need a hammer and chisel to remove their knitted caps, even inside the house and at the lunch table.
Comment by Antti (the redneck one) — Fri, Jan 13th, 2006 @ 5:58 pm
I didn’t go to school in the seventies, but in the eighties. Back then, it was cool to wear one of those hats with huge brightly colored pompoms on top. Later on, it wasn’t cool to wear a hat or pipo at all but since I wasn’t cool, I wore one. My pipo was snatched off my head a couple of times.
We’re not talking about schoolkids here, but about adults. As far as I know, this list was written in the 90’s and not the 70’s.
Comment by Anzi — Fri, Jan 13th, 2006 @ 6:16 pm
Hmmm, I think my generation continued the bareheadedness well into their adulthood. I also remember those later pompoms well. I wore a terrible Nikita at winter all through my lukio (“high school”) years just to protest them.
Comment by Antti (the redneck one) — Fri, Jan 13th, 2006 @ 11:28 pm
I first received the list in 1997, way, way before Hesari put it on the web.
Have you checked my 42 good reasons to be in Finland from http://alessandromaccari.com/ ?
mac
Comment by mac — Sun, Jan 15th, 2006 @ 9:47 pm